The Secrets We Keep
by The-Cynical-Goddess
Summary: A collection of poetry written to express the day to day emotions of the Titans; emotions that they otherwise might not express. Largely Raven-centric. New poem- Unsure
1. Reflection

**Reflection**

The longer I sit here,  
Cross-legged and cold  
And stare into the depths  
Of rubies and gold  
The more I feel hopeless  
The more I feel pain  
For who I was  
And who I became.

My soul rests in glass  
Though I'm tough as nails  
My emotions are fragile  
For all that entails  
And I know I am fading  
As they become real  
But at times I'd give it all  
Just to feel.

I imagine laughing  
I imagine what I could be  
If someday I could just say  
"I see"  
And step into your world  
And laugh, cry, and scream  
There are days I'd kill  
To feel anything.

But the wings of this Raven  
Are broken, crushed down  
And in this mirror  
I see pieces on the ground  
Of my shattered soul  
Of what could be a heart  
I see my reflection  
And it tears me apart…

But no one will know  
All this pain that I feel  
Am I the reflection now?  
Someone please, make me real.


	2. LEADER

**L.E.A.D.E.R**

They call me a leader  
What does that mean?  
They say I'm a hero  
But I haven't seen  
The broken sides of my heart  
The way I tear myself apart.

I suppose leader could stand  
For many things across the land  
I guess that leader is an acronym  
For a life marked by soulless sin

L for liar  
L for lost  
L for lifeless- What's left to this life?

E for empty  
E for egotistical  
E for enough- I have had enough.

A for angst  
A for apparently a failure  
A for 'a boy without much of a chance'

D for depressed  
D for determined  
D for destroyed- like my soul.

E again-  
For empty, because I am now  
Empty.

R for Robin  
R for removed  
R for running- from my past  
From my present  
And from my future.

They tell me I'm a leader  
They tell me I defend by night  
But they don't know I go to pieces  
Over what's left of my life.

Not sure what leader stands for  
I guess I have to wait and see  
But unless it is an acronym  
Then surely it isn't me.

_(Robin poem. Couldn't resist.)_


	3. Space

**Space**

You say, "I love you"  
With your eyes open wide  
Trying to speak to me  
And find your way inside.  
I wish you'd have realize  
When you fell through that day  
That there's nowhere here  
Nowhere you can stay.

You try to make me smile  
But you can't crack this shell  
I'd never want you stuck here;  
You're looking at hell  
And I wish I could hold you  
I wish you knew  
That rejecting you  
Is killing me too.

But you say, "I love you."  
And I have to walk away  
Because even if I love you too  
What is there to say?  
You'll get tangled in the thorns  
And strangled by the space  
Between what I feel  
And what's on my face.


	4. Dream, My Child

**Dream, My Child**

Dream, my child  
He calls to me and I  
Go because I never learned  
How to say no  
To the demons we all keep  
Let alone to  
A literal demon.

I feel as though  
I burn before his eyes  
In all his burning hate  
For me and I feel as though  
I become nothing, nothing  
But my evil roots  
Nothing but a portal  
For destruction of this sphere.

I toss and turn  
And then I scream  
It bounces off the walls  
Turns this sanctuary to  
Torture chamber  
Where alone I scream  
And all of the chant of  
Dream, dream, dream  
Turns to nightmare  
And the flames of all I am  
Inside, inside they overpower  
And I awake.

I lie here in this cold sweat  
And beg it all to go away  
All that I am  
All that I could be  
And more than anything  
I wish you were here again  
To hold me  
And chase away the demons  
The demons I hold inside  
And the demon that I literally  
Am.


	5. Joker

**Joker**

I'm glad I entertain you  
I'm glad you smile at me  
I'm glad you have no idea  
I hate who I have to be.

You tell me that I'm funny  
You tell me that I'm free  
But you don't really realize  
The one who's trapped is me.

All my cares are deep inside  
In that, I'm just like you.  
But you pretend I don't understand  
You pretend I'm not like you.

So I'll just be the joker  
And you be the Queen of Hearts  
And hold mine captive;  
At least we're not apart.

I'm glad you find me funny  
Since there's nothing left to be  
But I hate that you'll never know  
That in your darkness, I see me.


	6. Raining

**Raining**

Raining, raining  
So I sit, sit, sit  
Raining, raining  
So sick of this shit...

Sip black coffee  
Stare at the rain  
Rain, will you put out  
The fire in my brain?  
Please, someone save me  
From going insane.

Weather reflecting  
My own stormy sea  
A hurricane like  
My mind's own eye  
Tossed with the wind-  
Just like me.

I'm tired of rowing  
I'd rather set sail  
And go where I will  
On this awful, cold gail  
Through high seas  
Through wind, through hail.

It's raining, raining  
I dream of sun  
I hate this life  
I long to run  
Or at least find a switch  
To turn off the rain...

For if I fight any longer  
Fighting this cold rain  
If I have to hold on much longer  
I will be  
Insane.


	7. Condemnation

**Condemnation**

Tell me, are you the means of my salvation  
Or the devil come for condemnation?  
Either way you're so perfect, so sure  
That I'll take you either way just for more.

You're my power and you're my hell  
They keep telling me we'll never end well  
But part of me just doesn't care  
That part would follow you anywhere.

For if I'm damned at least I'm free  
Finally seeing through some of the mystery  
And everything from before is fading away  
I guess I'm just begging you to stay.

Angels care to call me home  
But I won't go if we can roam  
Take me somewhere, make us free  
And then you'll forever, forever have me

Twist my arm and break me down  
And in the end I'll be your clown  
See if I care if it hurts in the end  
For now I need you to be my friend

You perfect devil, so full of spite  
Somehow you've made this world my light  
My twisted angel you fell so far  
That when I caught you I ignored who you are.

Are you my damnation or my salvation?  
Either way this is condemnation  
I'm so devoted and stuck close to you  
That I'll never get away;

I don't want to.

_(R/BB)_


	8. Until Today

**Until Today**

You told me you kept secrets-  
You never told me why-  
And I never believed those words-  
Those haunting whispered words-  
Until today.

I searched for imperfections-  
Searched as hard as I knew how-  
For any crack in your surface,  
Any sign you would splinter  
But I never found one  
Until today.

Today the rain came pouring down  
The rain came bursting in  
And I saw the crack for the first time  
As it became swollen  
And finally, you burst  
Today.

Your whispered words come back to me  
In the wind among the rain-  
"Run far from me because  
My secrets will destroy you"-  
And I wonder where they've been hidden  
All this time  
Until today.

Now I know you're not to blame  
You're not to blame, nor is the rain-  
You whispered a warning I would not take  
Whispered that you were about to break-  
And now I see the secrets you kept  
Beat down within you, a stormy sea  
Until today.

I long to hold you  
To stop the destruction  
For what always was  
Yet I feel that I've caused  
But you won't let me hold you-  
Will I ever hold you again  
After today?


	9. Alone

**Alone  
**You say to me  
"You aren't alone"  
And I believe you  
Even though I know  
One day I'll awake  
And you'll all be gone.

You say to me,  
"We understand"  
Even though I know you don't  
And one day you'll all tell me  
I never tried  
When all I do is try  
For you.

You say to me  
"I wish you'd smile"  
And I know you comprehend  
That I can't  
But it doesn't stop you  
From wishing,  
Does it?

And that is how I know  
I'm alone;  
You see me  
And you try to love me  
But you'll always wish  
For something more  
Than this empty shell;  
Beside me, you are  
Alone.


	10. Seeing Evil

**Seeing Evil**

Nightmares of the unknown  
Should not be my greatest fear  
Evil's real; It has shown itself  
Yes, evil has a face- It's here.

It looks like the one I've met  
Yes its someone I know well  
IT doesn't lurk in shadows deep  
Its no damned beast of hell.

Its nothing I'll ever outrun  
Or something I can cast away  
The stuff of all my nightmares  
Is the stuff that will always stay.

For evil has a face that's real  
And I see it in my own  
In fact I am the very thing  
That uses it for a home.

I used to face it only in nightmares  
But now it seems to act right out of me  
For the greatest evil is within  
And here, at night, I can see  
Clearly, the evil that I see  
Is an evil that's in me  
And wants out  
Where all can see.


	11. Outside

**Outside (In the rain)**

Am I a part of all of you  
Or am I just a shadow?  
A figment of imaginations run wild  
To comfort them in waters shallow?

And am I really as different as I feel  
Or perhaps a fragment of something insane?  
For it seems at times I'm here  
And other times I'm lost in the rain.

Is all this dark rain that's falling  
Going to wash away my fear?  
Or is it the rain that causes sin  
To creep into reality here?

With the water running down my face  
Will I finally be able to see?  
Or will the dark, as its trying to break  
Somehow overtake me?

For the rain that washes away your sin  
Reminds me of all that I have.  
A figment, a shadow, a girl not quite whole  
And yet enough in this world to be labeled as 'bad.'

There are times when I feel so very alone  
With the rains pouring down on this body.  
I long to be clean, I long to be empty  
But mostly I long to be a somebody.

I wish the rain could wash away  
The events that broke me in two.  
And somehow make me myself again  
To those who tried to be true.

These days I feel the black smears  
Broken and falling down my face.  
Tears of a different kind of broken  
That the rain cannot wash without a trace.

I throw my head to it time and time again  
And ask it to make me as every other girl.  
But in the savage wind my words get lost  
And the storm continues to whirl.

More and more often there's no one to hear  
I speak to give myself something real.  
I'm starting to wonder if those words matter  
Anymore than how I feel.

For I'm standing on the outside looking in  
And the glass is streaked with my own words.  
The pain and suffering I cause to others  
Keep me in the shadows unheard.

And perhaps it's best and perhaps it's worse  
And perhaps I'll never know.  
For there's no one from whom I can truly expect  
An answer that will make the truth grow.

So I'll just stand here covered in black  
And listen hard to the rain.  
And let it whisper things to me  
And let it tell me I'm not insane.

For it tries so hard to wash my sins  
But the rain just can't understand  
That it's not a human and it's voice is weak  
And I cannot take it for it's lack of hand.

So many times it works at the heart  
But the heart is broken and void.  
For outside looking at those who pass by  
Simply leaves me devoid.

Staring through at those I love  
The glass may as well be a mirror  
For I can see all that they hate about me  
Overtop of their glorious shimmer.

I wish I could somehow say how I feel  
But the rain takes away my voice.  
And perhaps it's better that I stay here  
And my heart doesn't make a choice.

For my heart bleeds outward and quietly  
And slowly it chokes all my complaints.  
I have nothing to say anymore  
I'm within my final set of restraints.

For all these things I've tried to suppress  
I may as well let flow.  
The rain doesn't care what I feel in my heart  
It will try to make it all go.

The sweet feeling of thunder  
Is enough to make me want to stay  
But somehow their voices are drawing me in  
To be with them this day.

But even as I stand among them  
I stand separate and alone.  
And I long for the voice of my childhood  
The voice that had words to own.

The me who knew that she was dark inside  
And could handle it quite well  
And who always laughed when they called her witch  
Or accused her of casting a spell.

The little girl who loved the rain  
And never wanted more  
Is a part of me that's somehow gone  
To knock on Heaven's door.

I'm lost here among them  
But I'm also lost without.  
So I let the rain choke me so I don't' scream  
With only the wind to hear my shout.

On the outside looking in  
Lost somewhere in the haze that is rain.  
Wondering if I'm really here or not  
Or just something for them to call when they feel insane.

I feel insane in the here and now  
But perhaps some day I'll be clean.  
And full of hope of a future in which I'm alive  
Not someone's imaginary friend on which to lean.

I feel insane.


	12. One Wish

**One Wish**

If I had but one wish in my life

I'd wish to unveil the mystery

And make it so that gone were the things

That frighten you of me.

I'd take away my everything

Just to become someone worth being

Make it so that all I am

Is a part of someone worth seeing.

I'd remove my entire outer layer

Just to directly expose my soul.

Finally you'd know how it does shine

Despite its many holes.

Then never again could someone judge

On the basis of only what they could see

But rather on my soul, open, simple, and clean

That would keep them from thinking I was wrong to be me.

Scars are wounds that can't be undone

So what right do you have to forget  
That like you I too am human under here

But unlike you I haven't given up yet?

Yet somehow I'd give up everything I am

And all I could potentially be

If somehow I could show myself to you

To solve this sad mystery.

For you see if I had one wish I could give

I would show my broken soul and change how I live

All for you.


	13. Alone In The Rain

**Alone in the Rain**

Enfold me in your arms  
Protect me from the storm  
Keep me from crying out  
Let our lives turn back to the norm.  
Take me back to a simple time:  
Let the rain come down no more.  
Don't shout at me, don't call out  
Simply shield me from the wind.  
Keep our voices gone and bodies close  
Lest harsh words tumble out unbidden  
Pretend I'm your everything again  
So the rain will hurt no more.  
Hunch your body over mine  
Like you're shielding yourself from hell  
Don't lose your grip on me anymore  
And maybe we'll end up well.  
I don't want to weather this storm alone  
I want the rain to sting no more  
Sing to me in a voice of colors  
A song of comfort to ease my fears  
Promise me never will you leave  
That you'll stay throughout the years  
And it will be like we never fought  
To bring about the rain  
But all of this is mere fantasy  
The hail pelts me and I shiver outside  
The harsh words you said keep me from crying  
I'm just frozen and numb inside.  
So I look at the light with a broken sigh  
And I know I'm alone in this rain  
A rain of lies and pain and truth  
A solid, different kind of insane.


	14. Moonlight Savior

**Moonlight Savior**

If I look long enough  
And don't breathe in the night  
Will the moonlight bring you?  
If I hope hard enough  
For our lives to be all right  
Can I make that true?

Could you lie beside me  
And steal my breath away?  
Be my moonlight savior  
Become all I cannot say?  
Hold me tight so I don't shake  
Love me for real so I don't break  
Stay with me one last night.

If I listen long enough  
And try not to say your name  
Will you come sweep me away?  
If I promise things will be different  
And let you pull me in from the rain  
Will you be beside me to stay?

Could you lie beside me  
And steal my breath away?  
Be my moonlight savior  
Become all I cannot say?  
Hold me tight so I don't shake  
Love me for real so I don't break  
Stay with me one last night.

My moonlight savior  
Angel in darkest blue  
Hold me close  
Just this one last night.  
Promise me you'll return again  
And I'll do my best to wait  
Wait as long as it takes until then?

Could you lie beside me  
And steal my breath away?  
Be my moonlight savior  
Become all I cannot say?  
Hold me tight so I don't shake  
Love me for real so I don't break  
Stay with me one last night.

If I look out and breathe your name  
Will you suddenly not be real?  
My moonlight angel, come to me  
The thing that allows me to feel  
Pull me in from this rain  
And I promise I won't tell them  
Your name.


	15. Unsure

**Unsure**

Lay in bed and cry to the sound  
Of someone else's tears  
Can you hear me screaming, screaming  
Through all of this silencing fear?  
I don't make a sound, no,  
I don't know what I should be  
I'm watching, worrying, waiting  
While you're not here with me.

Not sure I know who to be  
I reflect everyone else's song  
Not sure if this is the story, no,  
That's been told all along.  
But I will cry my heart out  
I will try to find the melody  
If it means that I show you  
How I needed you here with me.

Smells linger in the air, this bed  
The sheets drenched in the smell of you  
I breathe it in while I listen  
Unsure of what I should do  
I wish I'd had the words to say  
I wish the power had been mine  
I wish I'd realized I wasn't your shadow  
Wish I'd said what I needed in time.


End file.
